Personal Rant #1: Creativity

Creativity is magic. That is something I honestly believe. It's something we're all born with that the world around us quashes and rips away. As people get older, we get traumatized, go through losses, we get our hearts broken and with each trauma we go through, a piece of us gets ripped away. We lose our innocence and we lose our beliefs in a world that is full of magic, love and happiness; to be replaced with cynicism, bitterness and the daily drudgery that we are forced to endure just to get by. 

People that are creative manage to hold onto a part of that youthful belief in magic. Whether it's music, mechanics or medicine, creativity is something that is strong when you're young and lose as you get older. It's sad really. So many people grow up and live their lives just trying to get by. They give up on such things as true love, and stop believing in things like magic and miracles. 

I'm a writer. Lots of people have complimented my writing. It's a natural skill I have. I couldn't tell you an adverb from a conjunction, I just know what order the words go in. I can also write in just about any genre I choose, though some are more difficult than others. My main genre of choice though, and the one I think I write best in, is horror. It just comes naturally more than any other. Part of me believes that I have lost a lot of my innocence and my own sense of magic through some of the things I've been through. I feel like I recognized when it was happening and horror was simply the shard or the string that I managed to grab and hold onto while the rest floated away. 

It just aggravates and saddens me because I've spent so much of my life alone. I didn't get to enjoy my high school years like most people do. I was always responsible, I was always the role model and I always had to be an adult. (NO, I'm not drunk. Surprisingly.) When I was younger, that's where I lost a lot of my creativity. It's one of the things that made me bitter. Probably one of the things that made me grab onto horror as the largest piece of my innocence that I managed to hold onto. And it really frustrates me that I can't go back and try to experience it all now. I feel like I missed out on a very important part of my life and that there is no way to replace it and it seriously damages any chance I have of finding the happiness that I want. I am sick and tired of being alone, but I don't want someone else that's been damaged and beat down by life and is content merely to get by and lives on cynicism and caution. I want to find someone that still believes in magic, and at my age anymore, I really don't think it's possible.

~ Shaun